My life for the past 1 month has been nothing but…obstacles. To be completely honest, I am terribly depress by all these recent events so much that it is affecting my photography.
For the past 1 month, I have been nearly employed. Yes, you read it again “nearly employed” and I didn’t type wrongly. I applied to many jobs for the past month and had gotten quite a few interviews and 2 offers from 2 companies. I use a timeline to illustrate the chain of events…
End August: An ex-colleague called me and asked if I am interested in a job. And wants to meet up with me to discuss about it. So I met her for coffee and she basically explained the things expected of the role, what I need to be covering and just about everything. At that point of time, I really felt it was the job for me because I like the people, the workplace and more importantly I could handle the job with ease. She asked me to go back home to think about it first and reply her by Early Sept.
Early Sept: I sent an email to her to indicate my interest and would love to hear an update about the job. I got a reply saying that she is in the midst of discussions with some of the directors regarding hiring and will update me once the budget for the role is approved. So I waited…After 3 days, I received an email from her which said that they would not be able to hire me as the budget for the role is not approved. I was completely devastated and furious with God for treating me in such a manner. It was pure disappointment and I couldn’t relate to it at all except being sad. A reality check: I needed a job badly so that I could pay off my school fees.
Mid Sept: A few companies called me up for interview and I was quick to get back on my feet and take it positively rather than dwell on the negatives. The following actions will sound delusional…I began to motivated myself by talking to myself in the mirror and convincing all will be alright and God is good and blah blah blah. A few days after all these interview, I was called up XYZ company that they have shortlisted me and wants to me work for them but they will need some time to draft out the contract. So I agreed to wait and asked the hiring manager to keep me updated.
Today: I was called by the company and was basically told I will not be offered a job anymore. (During the wait of 2 weeks, I rejected other interviews and also 1 potential offer) How am I feeling now? Depressed.
Anyway, I am writing all of these as a hope of encouraging people. My current state of mind is depressed but I am still fighting that sadness by arguing that God always chooses the best for me and He must have a purpose in all of these. I just have to trust and obey. It is easier for a Christian or anyone for that matter to just lash out at God immediately after such occurrences. I will not lash or question. This time round, I will just accept.
“You can’t connect the dots looking forward you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something: your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. Because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leads you off the well worn path.” by Steve Jobs
The above quotes pretty much sums up 50% of the state of mind that I am in now and the rest of the 50% is a mixture of sadness and stress. I pray now that God will relieve me of such pain and that perhaps 1 day in the future I can connect all these dots. For now, I really need to be quiet and pray…