I gotta thank God for making timely providence in my life. I believe everything in our lives happen for a reason. Even the smallest occurrence in our lives can have a ripple effect somewhere down the road. This is a story not many people will be able to tell…
I picked up photography in late March which was also the time that I left my job. It was also the time when I ended a serious relationship. I also lost some money on investments. It is the most depressing moment in my life when everything came crashing in on me on the same day. My approach to all of these sadness was to take photographs. I knew that I needed to challenge my mind so as to occupy it with healthy thoughts. I knew that I am in “deep shit” as I can feel the pain. Every single moment when my mind is still, these pain just comes back. Every single night I took long walks, talking to God and asking God “Why?”. Sleeping didn’t come easy as well, as these thoughts just keep attacking me. I was struggling every day…and I absolutely got no idea how to cope with it.
The worst part is yet to come…Convocation came about. It was the 2nd most miserable day of my life. I was really pissed with myself for not being able to present the First Class Honors (FCH) to my mom. In fact, I had been planning this for 3 years and wanted to make up to her for always failing as a son. I still remember the very first day I step into SIM, I made a promise to myself that I would give my mum the FCH. A lot of people who don’t know me think I am a nerd and snob who just studies like crazy. What they don’t know is the secret behind my pursue for 3 years. Ultimately, I failed to produce an FCH. Next was that I needed to put up a smiling face while the whole ceremony goes on. If not for the sake of my mum, I would rather not attend.
And then the questions from my friends “So where are you working now?”.
Me: I just left my job.
Friends: Where you working last time?
It was the most difficult conversation because I felt like a complete loser as people start to tell me about their work experience, what they currently working and everything. Furthermore, I didn’t want to let anyone know that I was previously from JP Morgan as most would ask a lot of follow up questions about it. It was just so tiring…
Even till today, I still have lots of regrets about why I screwed up my FCH? Why did I screw up my relationship? Why did I….? There are just so many WhyS in my head.
Like what I have mentioned earlier, I wanna thank God for photography.
-I made new friends
-I used it to volunteer and help people
-I setup a photography ministry in my church
-I am occupied and challenged daily
To some people they see it as God bestowing a skill onto me. From my point of view, God gave me an escape to all my problems…